Category: Experiences
The water diet
Posted by Gavin on February 18, 2009
By Gavin
Last night Margo made spaghetti with a tomato and salami sauce. It was very tasty and I had a second helping. That was very tasty as well so I had a third helping. Since no one was joining me, I piled the last of the spaghetti and sauce into my bowl, and topped it off with the last of the grated cheese. Then came pudding; a huge slice of apple pie with an almond crust, and a generous dollop of double cream.
“Tomorrow,” I said, “I’m going on a water diet.”
“Yeah, right,” said Aidan.
This morning I made a cup of tea with a little milk. I stood there drinking my tea and watched Aidan eating some Coco Pops. Not for me, I thought, I’m on a water diet. Feeling pretty good about myself I had another sip of milky tea.
At 1 o’clock I took Aidan to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button at the Cameo Cinema. On the way there I bought him a packet of salt ‘n vinegar crisps, a braeburn apple, and some trail mix. I bought myself a bottle of water. During the film I could hear the rustle of the crisp packet as Aidan fed. This water diet’s a doddle, I thought, sucking on the water bottle.
After the film we debated its merits and weaknesses.
“Did you like the film?” I asked.
“Yes,” said Aidan.
“Me too,” I said. “Bit depressing though, don’t you think?”
“Yes, it was,” he said.
I noticed he’d broken into the trail mix. I could see nuts, seeds, and dried fruit. It looked really good. There was a freshness to the nuts, and I could imagine the cranberries yielding to the tooth and bursting on the tongue.
“Well, it’s ok for you,” I said. “You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. What have I got to look forward to? It’s all aches and pains for me from now on.”
Aidan dribbled some trail mix onto his hand, and with a happy smile he slowly poured the contents into his mouth, chewing with noisy pleasure.
Back at the flat, I could smell sausages. Margo had put them in the oven for Aidan. I threw a couple of rolls in to warm and decided it was time to research my diet. I Googled water only diet. Maybe it’s not good for you, I thought, hoping. I read about the miracle of a water only diet, how it can cure rheumatism and a miriad of ailments, how it can make you feel young again. This wasn’t what I wanted to hear. More research and I finally found evidence to support giving up the water diet in an obscure blog – blackouts on day 6. I veered off onto Beyonce’s maple syrup diet. That sounded a lot better. Take a gallon container, pour in 3 quarts of water, one cup of lemon juice, one cup of pure maple syrup or molasses, and a teaspoon of cayenne pepper. Drink 8-12 cups a day for 10 days. Side effects: nausea and dizzy spells. This diet business was starting to get to me.
I returned to the kitchen and saw Aidan preparing his meal. He opened a roll and out puffed a snake of steam. His knife he handled caressingly to spread a nugget of butter, melting and golden, along the warm inside. I drank a glass of water. The sausage, perfectly cooked, he halved and laid out with tender care. Finally a sweep of mustard across the top, the closing of the lid, the firm placement of hands around the groaning roll, and all, all of it heading inexorably towards his face.
I looked away and thought about having another glass of water. I spotted a kiwi fruit on the kitchen counter. I looked back and saw Aidan as his teeth closed over a large section of roll, a really good sausage bit surrounded by bap with the steam and the golden butter spilling over the edges.
I reached for the second roll and the knife.
6 Responses to “The water diet”
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February 18th, 2009 at 10:16
delicious…exciting…compelling…there is nothing so fascinating as reading a good writer describe an ordinary day…gimme more…
February 18th, 2009 at 13:08
I laughed and snorted till my tummy muscles ached. Just do as mummy says. A little less of everything and plenty of exercise.
February 19th, 2009 at 13:11
haha – as if you would last a minute on the water-yoga-tea diet of health and life. Battling the old tyre eh? Dig out the old army training routine I’d say.
We do nothing these days. Though we do hit the pool often enough. Got bored with laps so started on breath holding sessions. Here’s our latest:
Kira: 31 seconds
Nikita: 1 min 10 secs
Me: 2 min 20 (heyhey)
February 24th, 2009 at 16:35
Some of our chaps tried this diet during the war and still managed to build a bridge over the kwi.Will instruct margo to give you some doodgy water and will pop over and slap you with stick.Course cant quite see how we are to emulate heat and fear .Any ideas? keep whistling.
February 25th, 2009 at 1:22
Thanks for the comments folks. The blog was harder than the diet. Took about as long as well.
September 8th, 2009 at 10:46
very interesting